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Hi folks! Blod’s ear (and the rest of him
for that matter).
What a couple of months I’ve had, a very
worrying time indeed. My friend, Algipan (Deepheat to his
friends), has not been well. He has had a bad attack of the
piles. I keep telling him not to drink ten pints of fizzy
lager and then have a vindaloo. It’s enough to blow the
balls off a brass monkey. Anyway, he went to the doctors and
was given some suppositories. They haven’t done any good
though. He might as well have shoved ‘em up his bum!
I digress, let us get down to the serious
business, and I'll try to concentrate. Blod’s column
continues through the novices guide to Real Ale.
Keg beers are actually dead beers. They do
not ferment within the cask, since the beer is pasteurised
at the brewery before the beer is placed in the barrel. This
kills off any yeast within the beer and prevents further
fermentation. The problem with this method is how does the
landlord dispense the beer in drinkable fashion?
Low and behold we have that 'marvelous'
invention, the cylinder of carbon dioxide gas, sure to put
the fizz back and kill the natural taste of the product. Why
then do the brewers do this?
Well the answer is simple - BIG profits. The
beer is guaranteed to be the same standard wherever it is
served, and the person serving it needs next to no training
whatsoever. Which all keeps down the cost for the brewer,
which of course he passes onto you the customer - oink,
oink, what’s that - a flying pig?
Now, over the years CAMRA have campaigned
against this. Real Ale was being forced out of existence by
the power of the large brewers monopolising the market and
attempting, indeed succeeding in many cases, to destroy all
the opposition, which would then leave them to hike up the
prices and make them mega bucks. Remember Watney’s Red
Barrel ? - With the help of CAMRA and of course the superior
product, keg and the big brewers were repelled.
But wait! - the marketing department and the
accountants are not being discouraged, we have a new scourge
on the horizon (well a foot well wedged in the door
actually), and that is nitro keg!
What is nitro keg? Well basically instead of
forcing carbon dioxide into the beer they use nitrogen. Hum!
- much more environmentally friendly. Now how do we
recognise this 'demon'? Easy, just look for the tell tale
signs,- Smooth! or Creamflow! It can also be recognised by
the millions being pumped into advertising campaigns in the
press and on T.V. |
Check out John Smith’s Smooth and
Boddington’s etc. Also we have the adman’s panacea -
Ireland. For some reason anything that is beer related
coming from Ireland conjures up romance, running horses and
curling when in actual fact this beer has never been within
a hundred miles of the place, stick on an Irish sounding
name such as Caffrey’s, Beamish or Val Doonican and
........Bingo! it’s bound to sell.
The reality is it may be a bloody site
better than the old style keg, but it still bears no
resemblance to the Real Thing (no, not Coke, you prat) -
Real Ale.
Now, what is the latest adman’s gimmick to
hit the scene? Yes! Irish lager! Now that really is taking
the piss (quite an appropriate phrase when you think about
it). No, I can see it all now, there was a tribe of Danish
peat bog cutters undiscovered in the wilds of Donegal who
used to brew lager like the forefathers did back in their
homeland.
They would filter the beer through a sweaty
sock that had been freshly removed from a damp wellington
boot and would prime the barrels with the off cuts of their
ginger beards to give that special something extra on the
'nose' (so now you no why your mate has got those little
ginger hairs stuck in his teeth).
This recipe has only just been rediscovered
by the sterling efforts by Scottish / Newcastle / Courage /
UncleTomCobblyAndall in their continuing strive towards
providing the drinker with an excellent pint of beer. What
Heroes!
Who in their right mind would be taken in by
this load of old tosh (sorry Tosh! No offence). Some people
will be taken in by these ads, just look along the bar and
see who has the brain the size of an amoebae (it’s
alright, he won’t have a clue what an amoebae is anyway).
So my friends unite! Drink more Real ale for
a far superior taste and better value for money and
remember.. always open doors before you go through them,
it’s less painful that way.
Blod’s out..... (of his tree).
Nov. '97 |
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Blod's plod aroond Aberdeen
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