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Hi Folks! Blod's here! I've had an exciting
time since the last edition. With winter on it's way I have
been busy knitting a new balaclava made from the wool of a
jumper that I got from the Oxfam shop, who says I know
nothing about recycling. Talking of recycling, next time you
come home from the pub feeling a bit rough after one over
the eight, don't shout Hughie! down the ceramic telephone,
do it on the front lawn, it makes a tasty treat for next
door's dog.
Anyway, on to more serious matters. I am
starting by explaining what Real Ale is all about, but
firstly lets talk about beer. Do you know that beer goes
back as far as the Egyptian Pharaoh's? No wonder they did
that silly sand dance. I suppose that's why on a Saturday
night after eight pints down the local sarcophagus they
"walked like an Egyptian" - who let them bloody
Bangles in here? - Get out!
Where was I ? Quick - fill my glass.... the
effects are wearing off. Yes! beer, there are many types and
strengths, from your mild ale, which is generally low
gravity, to your barley wines, which tend to be high
gravity.
Now I may have lost some of you novices
already. What is gravity? I hear you say. What has Isaac
Newton got to do with it? Or perhaps I don't. I hear all
sorts of funny things after a few beers, them bloody Smurf's
get every where, that Uncle Abraham's got a lot to answer
for.
No! gravity, is actually the Specific
Gravity of the beer and is usually defined as the Starting
Gravity, i.e. before the fermentation of the beer has taken
place.
Water (you know that stuff - it doesn't fill
our reservoirs - it's the stuff that falls from the sky that
belongs to every man or beast - that stuff the government
have cleverly sold back to us - well Maggie did say we've
got to use our initiative to make loadsamoney. Oh! we're
getting very political, now get off your soap box, Blod), if
you remember from your school days, has the specific gravity
of 1.000. Some of us remember better than others. I remember
cause I only left school two years ago - I always was a slow
learner. |
A typical gravity for a bitter would be 1035
- 1040 (you will notice the decimal point is omitted) and
then to 1040 - 1050 for a premium bitter, through to some
serious brain cell removal gear (which is getting to be more
of a barley wine), in the 1050 - 1070 region.
Another method of indicating the strength of
a beer is by quoting it's A.B.V. (Alcohol By Volume). This,
for some reason, seems to be the more popular method these
days and typical values are as follows: 3.3 - 4.0% would be
a standard bitter, 4.0 - 5.0% for a premium bitter and onto
the loony juice at 5.0% onwards.
Something that does really tickle me is the
fact, these posers around, that think it is so clever to
drink the likes of Budweiser straight from the bottle, for
whatever reason. Some try to tell me it is good value, since
it is a very strong beer that quickly gets them persistently
falling about. Bud is actually about 5% and is certainly
classed as strong, but call me thick (or Wobbly Snodgrass
and garnish my bottom with a sprig of Parsley) if you must,
but I just can not see why they are willing to pay £1.80
for half a pint of Bud when they can get a full pint of an
equally strong bitter for the same price.
I suppose it must be down to the excellent
taste of Budweiser with it's delicate nose and it's
exquisite subtle aftertaste on the back of the pallet, or
perhaps it's just me being a tight bugger.
However, when all said and done I can't
dispute the fact you do get a free bottle with the Bud, nice
to see they are being environmentally friendly, isn't it.
There we are, I've turned full circle, back
to recycling in the words of the Bard "Oh what a
tangled web we weave", or was it in a Christmas
cracker? - the brain cells are going.
Talking of going, I have to go and clean my
pet hamster's cage out. I bet you didn't realise I recycle
the litter from that. Yep! I sure do. I sell it to the local
health food shop. I think they sell it as something
called... muesli!! Toodal loo for now.
Blod out.
Dec. '96 |
Part 1
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Blod's plod aroond Aberdeen
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